I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
