Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
