The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
