I cut my penus on the lid.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
