oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
