Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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