sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize