Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
