Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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