do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
