I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
