Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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