tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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