He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
