So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
