When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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