So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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