Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
