You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
