I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
