There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she peed on how many people?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
