so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
