woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
