so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
