He is such a slut. More and more my type.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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