He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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