some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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