Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
