can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
