I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
