Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize