She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
