I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
