I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
