My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
