we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize