Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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