Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
