Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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