I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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