I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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