He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
