Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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