Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
