If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
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