Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
