It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
