I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
