is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
