Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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