Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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