shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
