Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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