he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
bring money and cleavage
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
