sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
