She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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