let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
