You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
