I'm passing your future prison.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
