you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
