Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
