They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
