): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize