I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
