ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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