fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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