i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
