Me. At least after what I've been through.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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