drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
