So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
